i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. š
You know itās going to be a rough day when you scream āGet fuckedā at your alarm clock
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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