I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
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The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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