My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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