Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I CAN MOONWALK!
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Randomize
