Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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