I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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