It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
