dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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