just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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