I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
