New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
