we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Little spoons don't ask big questions
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
