too bad you live with your parents still
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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