After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
