It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
