So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
