I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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