I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
