I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
