I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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