Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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