how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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