it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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