dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
