Can i not drive my cunt home
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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