I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
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Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
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Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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