As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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