I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
