i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Vodka?
Forever.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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