Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We are all done wearing pants today
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
