just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she peed on how many people?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
