They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
