i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
