I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
