Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She even gives head with a lisp.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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