She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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