I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
PANTIES FOUND
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
