Whod you bang
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Randomize
