My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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