Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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