Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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