Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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