hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
