My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
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So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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