Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
