perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
