so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
