College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
