I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
