I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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