i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
