just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
