there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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