If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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