Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
