Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
