lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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