You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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