i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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