So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
