I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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