Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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