do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I could fuck to npr.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize