his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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