Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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