I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
