i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequila makes me forget i have legs
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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