nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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