Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
