You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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