apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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