On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
