you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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