she looked like the bat from fern gully.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
