im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You're like the curious george of whores
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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