Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
