He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
