it hurts more in the daytime
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
