How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Green mimosas i think yes
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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