Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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