roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
