i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
