What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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