I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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