ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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