just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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