I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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