Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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